As it turns out, I block feelings out, for real. Like it's not that I'm not stressed out right now, I've just learnt so well to supress emotions that I don't feel the anxiety anymore. The emotions finally find a way out of course, but in a form and shape unrecognizable, even for me. Well, that's the point, actually. They should be unrecognizable for me particularly. I mean that's how a defence system works, right? And rationalizing is seriously a defensive act of human subconscious, which is what I'm doing right now.
I just noticed that I'm going back to a spoken style of writing. I don't like that. Must begin practicing.
***
five days
